Blog #6: Family and Work

“Joey’s Problem: Nancy and Evan Holt”
In this reading we learn of a couple, Nancy and Evan Holt, who are struggling to come to an agreement where they are both happy. Unfortunately for Nancy, her husband always seemed to be the one who came out on top, and had very little responsibility in the home. We learn in the reading that Nancy feels as though her time and work is nowhere near as important as that of her husband, or at least that is how he makes her feel. We learn this when he suggests that she go from working full-time as social worker to part-time so that she feels less overwhelmed when she comes home and has to take care of her household chores. The egalitarian myth that Hochschild documents in her chapter is that women, like that of Nancy Holt, have this belief that they have created a type of equality in the household between themselves and their husbands. This agreement between husband and wife is the result of the wife realizing that if she decides that she wants to have a career of her own that that does not lessen her responsibilities in the home. However, even though there is an unequal division of labor between the husband and wife, when asked about this division both are quick to say that the division is far more equal than it truly is, and in most instances, the two of them actually believe what they are saying. Emotion work is work that is done that may not only be expected of us, but it also work that we in some way enjoy doing. A good example of how emotion work and the egalitarian myth is that of the struggles of the division of labor between Nancy and Evan in the reading. In this reading we see how Nancy is split between her husband’s lack of wanting to contribute to doing his share of the household duties and her wanting to do such things as take care of the house and her son. Personally, I have never witnessed this type of division of labor between husband and wife in my household because I was adopted and raised by a single mother and it has always been just her and I. However, the division of labor has been divided between my mother and I. While the division of labor hasn’t been equally split 50-50, I definitely feel as though I have done a fair share of the housework. As far as my friends go, I would say that the majority of their mothers are the ones who primarily take care of the work in the home.

“Introduction”
This reading talks about domesticity and how it affects certain aspects of society. It discusses how domesticity influences both males and females. One point that the reading makes is about what it takes for a person to be “successful.” The reading says, “‘Success’ requires ideal-worker status. Few women have it.” I feel as though this quote and the paragraph that proceeds it show just how hard it is for a woman, specifically a mother, to have one of those “elite” jobs. It is nearly impossible when many of these professions require so much time, effort and energy and for a woman to take care of the children and the household on top of that it seems almost impossible. It is unfortunate for the women who are able to work out having both a family and these types of jobs that they often times do not receive the credit that they deserve for their hard work. In regards to the “ideology of domesticity” Williams writes, “the ideology of domesticity held that men ‘naturally’ belong in the market because they are competitive and aggressive; women belong in the home because of their ‘natural’ focus on relationships, children, and an ethic of care.” The ideology of domesticity lives up to the gender stereotypes that have already been placed on our society. The three constraints that domesticity places on the organization of work in our society are the “marginalizing children’s caregivers,” “minimizing of fathers’ involvement,” and even affects politics. By saying that domesticity constraints the marginalizing of the caregivers, this means that often times the mother is the primary caregiver of the children, and when a divorce takes place, it is the mothers and children who lose out in the end “while men’s entitlements reflect the assumption (derived from domesticity) that they ‘own’ their ideal-worker wage.” In the first video we watched of the hunter and gatherer society, there did seem to be a sort of ideology of domesticity though it did not seem to be as well defined as it is in our society. By this I mean that men were the ones who were out hunting and doing other such things while the women were generally the ones who stayed and took care of matters around where the band was staying. However, women also had certain tasks that many would not qualify as typically domestic. Also, it seemed by watching the video that there was a lot more understanding and cooperation between the men and the women in this society. Unlike in our society where they seems to be so much disagreement between who does what, there did not seem to be much disagreement between those in the film as far as “housework” goes. In the video on colonial America I don’t remember much about the husband of the midwife. However, I do know that the midwife had a full-time job and also had to take care of the household tasks when she was not busy with her work as a midwife.


“Is Domesticity Dead?”
This reading is about how overtime there has been a division between men and women in regard to the certain duties that each of them have to do in the home. Women have always been the ones expected to take care of the housework and that idea has hardly changed overtime. The article also discusses how it is nearly impossible for women to have the jobs that many of us dream of having when we are children because it is nearly impracticable for women to be able to work outside of the home for all or part of the day and then come home and have to worry about what needs to be done there.
Williams’ argument about sex discrimination is that women have always had a disadvantaged compared to men, especially in terms of the duties that need to be done in the home. Before women were more active in the workforce, they were always at home taking care of the children and the duties that needed to be taken care of in the home. There is still discrimination for women even now that they are more of a presence in the workforce. Nowadays women who have full-time and part-time jobs are expected not only to work but also to come home and have to take care of what needs to be done there. It is because of this sex discrimination for women that they lack the option of “free choice.” As the reading says, “Many women find that ceding to the demands of domesticity is the only way to have their lives make sense. This explains their sense of ‘choice.’”

“Domesticity and the Political Economy of Lesbigay Families”
In this reading we learn about how housework division between lesbian and gay couples and how they are similar and different to that of heterosexual couples. In the reading we learn of several different stories of lesbian and gay families and each of their individual stories. In this reading it is interesting to see how each individual couple divides the household labor. The reading by Carrington shows us how lesbian and gay couples fair as far as the issue of domesticity goes. Prior to reading this article I was curious to see how homosexual couples would handle this issue of domesticity compared to what I have frequently witnessed of heterosexual couples. I was surprised to see that much of the disagreements and the arguments that take place over the housework between heterosexual couples is similar to what happens between gay and lesbian couples. In our society, there are certain gender roles that men and women take on, as were discussed in many of this week’s readings, that the men are responsible for the work outside of the home and the women are in charge of the work that is necessary inside of the home. Given that, it was interesting to see how two people of the same sex would divide the household duties. I was surprised in the example of Arleen and Dolores that being a woman that Arleen was not more sympathetic to Dolores seeing as Dolores was the one who did the majority of the chores at home. Compared to what we have read in the reading by Hochschild, the reading by Carrington shows us how many lesbigay families are similar to heterosexual couples. In the example we saw in the Hochschild reading, many lesbigay couples also find it hard when trying to divide the labor evenly between both people. Similar to Nancy and Evan, several lesbigay couples find that one individual does the majority of the household chores than the other one does. Also, of the individuals who were actually doing more of the work at home, many said that they wished that their partner would appreciate their work more and would also help them more. This can be seen in both the story of Nancy and Evan, and in the story of Richard and Joe. Another likeness between Nancy and Evan, and Richard and Joe is that both Evan and Joe like to have time to themselves even during the time while their partners are maintaining the home; and that they feel that their jobs and their leisure time is far more important than that of Nancy and Richard. A difference between the stories of Nancy and Evan, and Richard and Joe is that Richard was able to realize just how much he was doing for Joe and himself, and not only how Joe rarely helped him but also Joe’s lack of appreciation for all that Richard did for him. In the case of Arleen and Dolores, while Dolores does do more work in the home than Arleen, they also have some help with maintaining their home, which in the story of Nancy and Evan, there was no outside help with taking care of the house. As Carrington writes, “Some lesbigay families achieve partial equity in their relationships through reliance on the labors of mostly working-poor people.” In the different cases we learned in the reading by Hochschild of heterosexual couples there was never any mention of any outside help, and while it may be common in other cases of heterosexual couples not mentioned in that reading, we do learn in the Carrington reading that many lesbigay families do have outside help in caring for their homes.

Blog #4: Dating and Mating

In the article “The Decline of the Date and the Rise of the College Hook Up,” England and Thomas discuss how dating, which was once very common has been replaced by hooking up, especially among young adults in their college years. It seems as though dating, which was commonly done between two people during the time when they were getting to know one another, is now generally done by people who are already in a committed relationship, or as the article says “an exclusive romantic relationship.” Now it seems as though dating is something that is done once two people have decided that they want to be serious with one another when it previously was done in order for the two to get to know one another. Hooking up, which depending on who you ask can have a different meaning, seems to be what is taking the place of dating. However, unlike dating, hooking up involves some type of sexual activity, though no necessarily sexual intercourse and commonly occurs when those involved have been drinking alcohol. While each case is different, sometimes hook ups are one-time events while in other instances; hook ups can take place between the same two people over a period of time. The article goes on to discuss how the sexual behavior of women has become more accepted however there is still a double standard compared to the acceptance of men and their sexual behavior.

From my experience in college, though not my own but from what I have seen and heard, I agree with much that England and Thomas say in their article. Hooking up is something that has become very common among many college students, though the specific details of each hook vary greatly. It seems as though dating really has been replaced by hooking up; and that dating has become more common among two individuals who are already in a committed relationship. I also agree with the article’s argument about how promiscuity between males and females is not looked at in the same way. While many males are commended by fellow males for how many females they have sex with, how soon they have sex with a female, etc. females who do the same thing are frowned upon.

The second article, titled “After the Sexual Revolution: Gender Politics in Teen Dating,” shows very different results. In this article we learn that the sexual activity among teens has been decreasing, however this does not mean that teens are not sexually active. During the 90s it seems as though there has been a rise in teens being more sexually conservative. The article also points out that not only did sexual activity among teens decrease, but the amount of “serious problems that can result from irresponsible teenage sexuality” decreased as well. The article offers a few reasons as to why there has been a decline in teenage sexual activity. Some of these reasons are: the success of abstinence education, the positive effect of comprehensive sex education, the cultural backlash against the sexual revolution, or the fear of disease. The article also talks about how many teenagers today have a different idea of what it means to be in a relationship. As the article points out, many teens today may consider a relationship that is only two weeks old as a relationship so if sexual activity does take place in such a relationship it is not considered to be casual sex, while older generations may not share the same viewpoint.

It is obvious that as time goes by, the acceptance of sexuality is something that is becoming more and more pronounced, which makes the fact that sexual activity among teens is decreasing, even more interesting. However, one issue that I had with this article and its findings is that the definition of a relationship wasn’t one that was clearly stated and agreed upon by everyone. The article even states that teenagers had a different perception of what a relationship was than did many adults. This discrepancy is crucial because sexual activities that took place between people in what a teenager described as a relationship were what many adults considered to be casual sex because these relationships were relatively new and were not considered to be very serious quite yet. Also, while the article does state statistics and such, it seems somewhat surprising that there has been such a decline in teenage sexual activity.

According to the Risman and Schwartz article, the main trends in sexual activity among teens are that there has been a decline in sexual activity among this population. It seems as though more teens have learned from the mistakes that many of their parents made during the 60s and 70s also known as the time of the sexual revolution. Also, teens have become more aware of the dangers that can result from sexual activity, such as STDs, pregnancy, and so on. It appears as though the rates of these dangers have fallen faster than that of the rates of sexual activity meaning that this population has become more responsible when it comes to sex. Another observation that has been made is that there has especially been a decrease in teenage boys’ sexual activity, which can mainly be attributed to teenage girls and their “increasing control over the conditions of sexual intercourse” meaning that today it is more common for teenage girls to want to be in committed relationships before consenting to have sexual relations with their partner and are more likely to want to engage in safer sex. As I stated before, the author attributes much of these trends to teenagers being more aware of the mistakes made by many of their parents and also to the idea of not having what they consider to be “casual sex.”

According to the England and Thomas article, the main trends in romantic and sexual behavior among college students are the decline in dating and the rise in hooking up, however the dating that does occur generally takes place between two people who are already involved in a romantic relationship and not between two people who are just getting to know one another. It is important to note that each individual has his/her own perceptions of what it means to “hook up,” however most do not include actual sexual intercourse as hooking up. Also, while in the past many relationships were the results of two people dating, this does not mean that today there is necessarily a decline in relationships as there is in dating. Surprisingly many students are in romantic, exclusive relationships. Many students surveyed in Thomas and England’s article believed that sexual activity should be something that occurs only in exclusive relationships; however men were more likely to say that casual sex is okay, while women were more likely to say that they wanted hook ups to eventually evolve into exclusive relationships.

The gender differences that are documented in both of these articles are that it is more acceptable for males, whether it’s teen boys or males in college, to be sexually active. A gender difference discussed in the England and Thomas article was how men and women described the occurrence of orgasms between themselves and their partners. It was obvious that it was more common for men to report having orgasm than their partners did. Also, men had reported that their female partners had experienced and orgasm more than the women had reported having an orgasm, which is rather interesting. Another common theme in the same article was that men were more likely to want to engage in hook ups with women while more women were hoping that hook ups would eventually become more serious relationships. One reason for this may be because women were more likely to be judged for their involvement in sexual activity. Some gender differences in the other article were that it was the teen boys who had reported more of a decline in sexual activity than did the teen girls. Also, black teenage girls, who had once had a higher rate of sexual activity than did teenage girls of other races, were also declining in their rates of sexual activity and were becoming comparable to white and Hispanic teenage girls. Another possible explanation for the decrease in sexual activities between teenagers is that more teenage girls were starting to take control over what sexual activity does or doesn’t take place and many limiting these types of activities to only when the two are a part of a serious relationship.

In both my experiences of being in high school and in college, I can say that what I have experienced and witnessed are very similar to what was described in both articles. In high school it was definitely more common for people to be in serious relationships than it was for two people to just hook up. I think that much of this has to do with the fact that I attended a small, private school and there were only sixty-two students in my graduating class. As a result of this, it left very few options for people to hook up with because we were already a very tight group; however that is not to say that hooking up did not occur in my high school because it did, but it was just not as common as exclusive relationships were. In college, however, I have absolutely seen a lot more instances of hooking up than people being in serious relationships within my social circle. I feel that a common reason as to why this occurs is because many people believe that college is the period of time where they are supposed to “live it up” and many people do not want to be in an exclusive relationship during this time. Also, as the article by England and Thomas stated, many hook ups were the result of two people who had drinking, and it is common for alcohol to be more accessible to students in college as compared to those in high school. Also, there seems to be a lot more interaction between people outside of college campuses, which makes the number of people a person can potentially hook up with even greater.