Blog #6: Family and Work

“Joey’s Problem: Nancy and Evan Holt”
In this reading we learn of a couple, Nancy and Evan Holt, who are struggling to come to an agreement where they are both happy. Unfortunately for Nancy, her husband always seemed to be the one who came out on top, and had very little responsibility in the home. We learn in the reading that Nancy feels as though her time and work is nowhere near as important as that of her husband, or at least that is how he makes her feel. We learn this when he suggests that she go from working full-time as social worker to part-time so that she feels less overwhelmed when she comes home and has to take care of her household chores. The egalitarian myth that Hochschild documents in her chapter is that women, like that of Nancy Holt, have this belief that they have created a type of equality in the household between themselves and their husbands. This agreement between husband and wife is the result of the wife realizing that if she decides that she wants to have a career of her own that that does not lessen her responsibilities in the home. However, even though there is an unequal division of labor between the husband and wife, when asked about this division both are quick to say that the division is far more equal than it truly is, and in most instances, the two of them actually believe what they are saying. Emotion work is work that is done that may not only be expected of us, but it also work that we in some way enjoy doing. A good example of how emotion work and the egalitarian myth is that of the struggles of the division of labor between Nancy and Evan in the reading. In this reading we see how Nancy is split between her husband’s lack of wanting to contribute to doing his share of the household duties and her wanting to do such things as take care of the house and her son. Personally, I have never witnessed this type of division of labor between husband and wife in my household because I was adopted and raised by a single mother and it has always been just her and I. However, the division of labor has been divided between my mother and I. While the division of labor hasn’t been equally split 50-50, I definitely feel as though I have done a fair share of the housework. As far as my friends go, I would say that the majority of their mothers are the ones who primarily take care of the work in the home.

“Introduction”
This reading talks about domesticity and how it affects certain aspects of society. It discusses how domesticity influences both males and females. One point that the reading makes is about what it takes for a person to be “successful.” The reading says, “‘Success’ requires ideal-worker status. Few women have it.” I feel as though this quote and the paragraph that proceeds it show just how hard it is for a woman, specifically a mother, to have one of those “elite” jobs. It is nearly impossible when many of these professions require so much time, effort and energy and for a woman to take care of the children and the household on top of that it seems almost impossible. It is unfortunate for the women who are able to work out having both a family and these types of jobs that they often times do not receive the credit that they deserve for their hard work. In regards to the “ideology of domesticity” Williams writes, “the ideology of domesticity held that men ‘naturally’ belong in the market because they are competitive and aggressive; women belong in the home because of their ‘natural’ focus on relationships, children, and an ethic of care.” The ideology of domesticity lives up to the gender stereotypes that have already been placed on our society. The three constraints that domesticity places on the organization of work in our society are the “marginalizing children’s caregivers,” “minimizing of fathers’ involvement,” and even affects politics. By saying that domesticity constraints the marginalizing of the caregivers, this means that often times the mother is the primary caregiver of the children, and when a divorce takes place, it is the mothers and children who lose out in the end “while men’s entitlements reflect the assumption (derived from domesticity) that they ‘own’ their ideal-worker wage.” In the first video we watched of the hunter and gatherer society, there did seem to be a sort of ideology of domesticity though it did not seem to be as well defined as it is in our society. By this I mean that men were the ones who were out hunting and doing other such things while the women were generally the ones who stayed and took care of matters around where the band was staying. However, women also had certain tasks that many would not qualify as typically domestic. Also, it seemed by watching the video that there was a lot more understanding and cooperation between the men and the women in this society. Unlike in our society where they seems to be so much disagreement between who does what, there did not seem to be much disagreement between those in the film as far as “housework” goes. In the video on colonial America I don’t remember much about the husband of the midwife. However, I do know that the midwife had a full-time job and also had to take care of the household tasks when she was not busy with her work as a midwife.


“Is Domesticity Dead?”
This reading is about how overtime there has been a division between men and women in regard to the certain duties that each of them have to do in the home. Women have always been the ones expected to take care of the housework and that idea has hardly changed overtime. The article also discusses how it is nearly impossible for women to have the jobs that many of us dream of having when we are children because it is nearly impracticable for women to be able to work outside of the home for all or part of the day and then come home and have to worry about what needs to be done there.
Williams’ argument about sex discrimination is that women have always had a disadvantaged compared to men, especially in terms of the duties that need to be done in the home. Before women were more active in the workforce, they were always at home taking care of the children and the duties that needed to be taken care of in the home. There is still discrimination for women even now that they are more of a presence in the workforce. Nowadays women who have full-time and part-time jobs are expected not only to work but also to come home and have to take care of what needs to be done there. It is because of this sex discrimination for women that they lack the option of “free choice.” As the reading says, “Many women find that ceding to the demands of domesticity is the only way to have their lives make sense. This explains their sense of ‘choice.’”

“Domesticity and the Political Economy of Lesbigay Families”
In this reading we learn about how housework division between lesbian and gay couples and how they are similar and different to that of heterosexual couples. In the reading we learn of several different stories of lesbian and gay families and each of their individual stories. In this reading it is interesting to see how each individual couple divides the household labor. The reading by Carrington shows us how lesbian and gay couples fair as far as the issue of domesticity goes. Prior to reading this article I was curious to see how homosexual couples would handle this issue of domesticity compared to what I have frequently witnessed of heterosexual couples. I was surprised to see that much of the disagreements and the arguments that take place over the housework between heterosexual couples is similar to what happens between gay and lesbian couples. In our society, there are certain gender roles that men and women take on, as were discussed in many of this week’s readings, that the men are responsible for the work outside of the home and the women are in charge of the work that is necessary inside of the home. Given that, it was interesting to see how two people of the same sex would divide the household duties. I was surprised in the example of Arleen and Dolores that being a woman that Arleen was not more sympathetic to Dolores seeing as Dolores was the one who did the majority of the chores at home. Compared to what we have read in the reading by Hochschild, the reading by Carrington shows us how many lesbigay families are similar to heterosexual couples. In the example we saw in the Hochschild reading, many lesbigay couples also find it hard when trying to divide the labor evenly between both people. Similar to Nancy and Evan, several lesbigay couples find that one individual does the majority of the household chores than the other one does. Also, of the individuals who were actually doing more of the work at home, many said that they wished that their partner would appreciate their work more and would also help them more. This can be seen in both the story of Nancy and Evan, and in the story of Richard and Joe. Another likeness between Nancy and Evan, and Richard and Joe is that both Evan and Joe like to have time to themselves even during the time while their partners are maintaining the home; and that they feel that their jobs and their leisure time is far more important than that of Nancy and Richard. A difference between the stories of Nancy and Evan, and Richard and Joe is that Richard was able to realize just how much he was doing for Joe and himself, and not only how Joe rarely helped him but also Joe’s lack of appreciation for all that Richard did for him. In the case of Arleen and Dolores, while Dolores does do more work in the home than Arleen, they also have some help with maintaining their home, which in the story of Nancy and Evan, there was no outside help with taking care of the house. As Carrington writes, “Some lesbigay families achieve partial equity in their relationships through reliance on the labors of mostly working-poor people.” In the different cases we learned in the reading by Hochschild of heterosexual couples there was never any mention of any outside help, and while it may be common in other cases of heterosexual couples not mentioned in that reading, we do learn in the Carrington reading that many lesbigay families do have outside help in caring for their homes.